Book Review...My Story

I've mentioned some books here and there that have really helped me in my healing journey.  I thought it might be a good idea to list them all in one place and give a little review.  These are some of the books that have had the greatest impact on my life and have helped lead me down this path to healing my body and growing in my faith.  I have read many helpful books, but these really stand out to me.

1. Wide Awake by Erwin Raphael McManus
I received this book as a Christmas present from my parents in 2008.  I didn't know much about it, but thought it sounded good.  I ended up reading it in April/May of 2009.  God really spoke to me through this book...that God had so much more planned for me than the life I was leading.  I was living in fear, in a rut, in shame.  I was hiding secrets I had kept my whole life.  I wasn't living wide awake and living up to my potential/living the life God planned for me.  I was isolated and hidden.  And because of this book I was able to make one of the boldest steps I've ever made.  I decided I wanted more out of life...that God wanted more from and for me.  I made an appt. with my psychologist and for the first time was 100% honest with her about the severity and depth of my problems.  And she was able to diagnose me with OCD.  That was one of the biggest turning points of my life.  To finally understand what I was dealing with, and to know I was not alone.  My next step was to be totally honest with my husband.  That was one of the scariest things I've ever done.  But it was so freeing.  And started me down the path of healing.  In June of 2009 I started treatment for OCD.  I wish I could say I have overcome it...but I haven't.  I still struggle with it.  But I have definitely made huge improvements.  I began cognitive behavioral therapy in July 2009.  But since begining IVF treatments in Oct. 2009 my Dr. and I agreed it was not wise to continue the therapy.  BCT can be very intense and very hard on your body.  Which does not work well with IVF.  So I have not been able to continue therapy since then.  But I still make progress on my own.  And I am hopeful that someday I will be able to fully overcome the OCD and put this behind me.  I am so thankful that I read this book and that God gave me the courage to take action and strive to live wide awake.

2. The Mom Factor by John Townsend and Henry Cloud
I also received this book as a Christmas present, from my in-laws in 2009.  Once I again, I didn't really know anything about this book.  But God knew I needed to read it.  I thought it was about how to be a better mom...and in many ways it is.  But the main focus of the book is how you interact with/learned from your own mother (and father in many cases).  I never realized how much of an impact my upbringing had on my current situation, thoughts, habits, relationships, etc.  The book goes through 6 different types of moms/mothering styles and the impact it has on children, how they grow into adults and how they now deal with life/relationships.  It gave me a lot of insight into why I am the way I am.  And that has been very helpful.  But one of the most important things I learned from this book is about blame and forgiveness.  I have often wanted to blame someone else for my problems or just have them taken away.  I realized that I need to take responsibility for my own actions.  And I need to take action if I want things to change.  I can't blame others.  I need to forgive and move on.  I need past hurts to heal and be forgotten.  I need to live now, not in the past.  None of it matters.  What matters is how I choose to live now.  I really struggled with this.  I had a lot of hurt and resentment built up.  But by God's grace I was able to let it all go and truly forgive.  I no longer dwell on the past.  I don't blame others for my problems.  All I can do is look forward and trust that God will use me, heal me and renew me.  He can and has restored relationships.  I still have a lot of work to do.  It's hard to change old habits.  But I have come a long way.  I look forward to continuing to heal current relationships and to form new, healthy relationships.

3. Joy in the Morning by Amy Kuncaitis
This is the book written by a woman that spoke at my MOPS group this past year.  The book tells the story of her daughters battle with a serious disease that was severe Amy could not even touch her daughter.  They did not know what was wrong, the doctors struggled to figure it out.  And even when they did treatment and progress was slow.  The book focuses on surrender and looking beyond yourself.  These are both things I struggle with.  Having OCD means I want to be in total control.  Which is the complete opposite of surrender.  But God calls us to surrender all to him.  And I battle with that daily.  I try to surrender all and trust God 100% with my daily ups and downs.  But at the same time I really don't want to give up control.  The OCD takes over.  But I know that God is much much stronger than my OCD.  I have also struggled with our infertility situation.  But again, I know I have to surrender that all to God.  I can do my best to be healthy and proactive.  But in the end it is all in God's hands.  And I have to trust that he is faithful.  Whatever happens is according to his plan and for his purpose...which is my plan and purpose. I need to lay all of my struggles and worries at his feet and rest in his grace and peace.  That is the only way to live and to be an effective servant.  I am so thankful God used this speaker and her book to teach me about total surrender.  He gives me strength and boldness each day to continue on this journey and to face my struggles head on.

4. Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon
In mid-April of this year we found out that our 3rd IVF transfer in a row had failed.  And we would have to start over.  I decided to do some serious research about natural fertility and see if there was anything I could do to improve our chances of success for our next round.  I came across some great blogs on natural fertility and lifestyle.  And as I read them I realized they all had one thing in common...they followed the principles of this book.  So I requested a copy from the library.  After a few weeks it finally arrived.  I started digging in as soon as I got it.  And was immediately engrossed and overwhelmed.  It has so much detail about every vitamin, mineral and enzyme our bodies need.  It has such a wealth of information and truth in it.  It immediately gave me hope that I could experience healing...mentally and physically.  That I could possibly heal my gut.  That I could possibly restore my body's natural fertility.  That I could experience mental healing.  I dove right in and started changing the way we cook, eat, etc.  In just 2 months I have already experienced a great deal of healing.  I have done things I never thought possible.  I still have a lot to learn and a lot of healing to do.  But I am very hopeful about the future.  And I am excited to see if/how this will impact our current IVF cycle.

5. Real Food for Mother and Baby by Nina Planck
As my library due date for Nourishing Traditions approached I decided I had to buy my own copy.  While ordering it on Amazon I found another book called Real Food for Mother and Baby.  After reading the summary and the reviews I knew it would be another great resource.  I started reading it the day it arrived.  Again, so much good information and so much detail.  It has really helped me focus on what I need to do nutrionally to increase our odds of conception.  I have made some pretty big dietary changes and know that I am doing what's best for my body and, Lord willing, our future child(ren).  One of the things I really like about this book is that it talks about nutrition/eating REAL food as a whole.  Then it focuses on how to eat for conception, during each trimester of pregnancy, while nursing and finally how to feed your child as he/she grows.  I wish I had read this before having Rebecca!  I would highly recommend it to anyone that is considering getting pregnant, whether you struggle with infertility or not.

I highly recommend each of these books.  I hope they will challenge and speak to you as much as they have for me.  God brought them each to me at just the right time for just the right situation.  And by his Grace alone I am being healed and renewed one day at a time.  And God is using me in the midst of my struggles for his glory.  Praise the Lord!