Am I Selfish?

Is that what people think of me? I don't feel selfish. But recently I've heard comments from people that make me think they think otherwise. Some of it is perception on my part. But I have also had people tell me flat out that I'm selfish. And after you hear it a few times it makes you start to think about it. It makes me sad. It makes me feel like everything I do and try to change is for nothing. The few people that I think might/should know me well don't. It makes me like myself even less than I already do. It makes me hate this anxiety and frail body even more. I am and always have been a people pleaser and a perfectionist. Unfortunately my anxiety is stronger than my desire to please others. So that takes over most of the time. And people judge me based on things that are out of my control. So, is all this effort for personal growth and development worth it? I don't know. I guess it doesn't really make a difference in how people view me. Maybe it makes them think I'm even more selfish to focus on changing myself. In the end I guess my husband and my psychologist are the only ones that really know me and my true desires/motives. And everyone else just forms their opinion without knowing the reasons behind a lot of the things I do or say...without ever asking or showing any interest in understanding. This has been the case my whole life. God is teaching me to not be so critical of others...I don't know how someone else got to the point they are at or what might be going on in their lives. All I can do is be open to listen to their story and get to know who they are deep down. Will I keep working so hard on self-improvement? I don't know. Some days it sounds good and I feel like I'm making progress. Other days I feel like I hit a brick wall and all the good things I thought were happening still didn't accomplish much. And people still see me the way they want to. I've never thought of myself as selfish...actually quite the opposite. But I guess that's not what everyone else thinks. Maybe it's time for a break from some of this rambling and reflection. We'll see..