2011 GOALS

Happy New Year!  Is it really 2011?  That's just crazy.  Do we now just say "11"?  Or do we still say "2011"?  I guess time will tell :)  The start of a new year is always a good time to reflect on the past and also look ahead to the future.  What good changes have you made that you want to keep up?  What are some new changes you want to make?  What do you want your life to be like this year...or even 5 or 10 years from now?  It's nice to take the time to think about these things and then set goals to get there.  So, what do I really want to accomplish in 2011?  In the coming years?  And how can I get there?  This will be a long post that I can look back at periodically throughout the year to help me remember my goals and achieve them.  There may be a bit of rambling, but I'm trying to get all of my thoughts written out.  And there is a lot :P  Here are some of things on my list:

GOALS

*Take more time to listen to God - watch less tv, spend more time in the Word and in prayer.
*Not compare/worry about what other people think - remind myself every day that God made me unique and loves me just the way I am.  We all have strengths and weaknesses.  My mistakes do not dictate my self worth.
*Teach Rebecca to be confident in who she is - let her make mistakes, let her be more independent.
*Be more encouraging - take time every day to encourage at least one person.
*Be more patient, especially with  my husband and daughter - think before I speak and know when to step away from a situation to refocus and calm down.
*Give up control - this is a big one...see more below about OCD.
*Be more creative/use my God-given gifts - challenge myself to learn more about cake decorating and sewing.  Long term - make a go of my business - but not until my kids are older/in school.
*Be a better wife and mother
*Live life to the fullest - make more friends/let people into my life - not let ocd control me
*Organize the house/declutter/simplify - after a generous Christmas and some large item purchases it feels like my house is busting at the seams.  And I don't like it.  Time to clean!!
*Work on my posture.

These are pretty big goals.  Now it's time to break them down.  Here are some large scale items for the next few months.  After May I don't have anything planned :P

MONTH-BY-MONTH

January - organize kitchen, living room, Rebecca's bedroom; make pj pants, go on playdates/dinner dates that have had to be postponed the last few months, short family vacation?, Calvin basketball games, new makeup, maternity clothes, buy baby stuff, move Rebecca from crib to toddler bed
February - move Rebecca to new room, organize/decorate/prep nursery, nephew's birthday cake
March - clean/organize basement (main area, freezers, storage rooms and craft room), make diaper bag, make nursing cover, hair cut
April - birthday/graduation cake and party, make sure everything is set for the baby
May - Tulip Time?, Mother's Day, baby :-)

BABY
We obviously need to prepare for baby #2.  Here is my current list of things we need to get before May:

*monitor
*swing
*bouncy seat
*bedding
*double stroller?
*cloth diapers and accessories
*sling
*nursing cover (sew myself)
*diaper bag (sew myself)

REBECCA
Here are a couple large items on the list for Rebecca:

*potty training - this is going very well right now.  Hopefully that will continue.  But I'm sure it will take a while to be trained for both day and night.  And it's common to go backwards when a new baby comes along.  So this will probably be ongoing for a while this year.
*transition from the crib to a bed.  This will start in January.  We'll convert her crib into a toddler bed and keep her in her current room.  Once we get that going and she seems to be doing well we'll move her to her new room/new bed (and turn the nursery back into a nursery :).
*transition naps - Rebecca currently naps in the pack 'n' play.  She is really too big for it.  And we'll need it for the baby in May.  So once we get her settled in a regular bed we'll transition into doing naps in her bed.  We'll see if this works or turns into quiet time instead of nap time :P  We will also need to practice sleeping in a sleeping bag so that she has somewhere to sleep when we travel (she has always use the pnp in the past).
*prep for baby - try to prepare her for what's to come.
*continue with gymnastics and Kindermusik.

FOOD

*raw milk - our share is done Feb. 8.  I hope at some point we will be able to get it again.  We'll enjoy it while it lasts.  And if time allows I might try making some dairy products with it - yogurt, cheese, buttermilk
*cookbooks - I had to move all of my cookbooks while reorganizing my kitchen.  And I realized I very rarely actually use any of my cookbooks.  I'd like to get back into the habit of using them and trying new recipes.
*water - find a water filter that removes fluoride?
*nourishment - make sure I am properly nourishing my body for both pregnancy and breastfeeding.
*freezers - both of our freezers are packed right now.  I need to use up a few things and organize them.  I often freeze extra leftovers...but then never use them!  So I need to start using up some meals that have been in the freezer for a while.
*work on figuring out what foods trigger my digestive issues - I have a hard time giving up food I like.  But I know there are certain things that really don't work well with my gut.  So I'm trying to be honest with myself about it.  I am going to start making a list of what I know I need to limit and avoid (and actually do it!).  Here is my starting point:
  Limit - pizza (even homemade), apples, ice cream (even homemade), wheat, potatoes, rice, sugar
  Avoid - bananas, oats

BLOG

*more reflective posts
*continue my healthy living series - artificial ingredients, aluminum, soy, phytates, nuts, gluten/grains, sugars, dairy, review of Cooking Light.
*be more open about my OCD
*view it as a resource for others, not just an outlet for myself

FINANCES

*budget - do this with Justin
*book review - Total Money Makeover (after I finish reading it)
*be on same page with Justin/take more interest in our finances

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CONTROL

This is my big one for 2011.  And something that is very scary.  I have struggled  with OCD for many years.  That's no secret.  And in 2009 I started getting treatment for it.  But it had to be put on hold during IVF and while pregnant.  Although I have made some progress (I am no longer scared to leave my house and no longer have panic attacks), it still impacts every day of my life way more than I would like.  And it is a heavy burden that I carry around.  I really want this to be the year that I conquer it.  I will have to take baby steps since I am pregnant.  I can't undergo major exposure therapy right now...that would be too stressful on my body.  But I have decided to at least try taking small steps now.  In addition to these steps, I want to be a little more open about my OCD.  I still don't know if I will ever be able to talk in full detail about it with anyone besides my husband and my doctor.  But I think that if I am a little more open and write out some goals on my blog I'll be a little more accountable.  And will be more likely to follow through.  I am going to write down some small steps that will help me.  They may seem ridiculous to some people.  But for me they are big.  And it's scary to talk about it.  I am also going to write down some long term goals.  I think this will also help me stay motivated.  Again, these long term goals may sound like such simple things to most people.  But for me they are very far from it.  Right now my OCD limits a lot of the things my family and I can do.  And I hate that.  I want to live life.  And I want my family to be able to live life.  It prevents me from developing deeper friendships and really letting people into my life.  I have been lonely for way too long now because of my OCD.  And I want it to stop.

I also know that a new baby will really make my anxiety and OCD flair since I will no longer be able to be on "my schedule."  A newborn, nursing baby does not care what the clock says :P  So I am hoping to do some work before the baby arrives to reduce that a bit (it was pretty bad when my daughter was born, and I don't want to repeat it).  And to be totally available for my husband, my daughter and the baby.

A lot of my OCD stems from my digestive issues.  So that will be another big factor in this process.  The holidays with stress and lots of not so healthy goodies have reminded me of how important it is for me to eat well and take care of myself.  And how awful I can feel when I don't.  So in 2011 I want to really refocus and work hard to heal my gut.  If I can do that the OCD will automatically be less severe.  I really struggle with figuring out what is a true physical problem with my gut and what is just my OCD.  So if I can eliminate the physical problems hopefully the OCD part won't be so bad.  I know that pregnancy makes this part way more difficult.  So I have to keep that in mind and hope that after I have the baby there will be a big improvement.

This will take a lot of work.  And I know it will be very difficult.  But I pray that God will guide me through it.  I will continue to seek help from my psychologist and covet prayers from any of my readers.  As I work through some of my baby steps I will add more.  But this is my starting point.  So, here goes.

Baby Steps to Defeating OCD:
*EFT - This is a tapping technique used to help reduce anxiety.  I was doing it for a while but then stopped.  I do think it helps, so I would like to get back into it.  Try to make time at least a couple times a week to do it.  It only takes a minute, I just have to remember :P

*Get back into the habit of journaling.  This really helps me to process all of the stuff going on in my head.  It is a great tool for reducing anxiety and to not feel overwhelmed.

*Rational thoughts.  OCD is based around irrational thoughts.  They may sound crazy to others, but to the person with OCD they seem perfectly logical.  I have found it very helpful in the past to write down my rational and irrational thoughts and read them every day.  This helps reinforce what is reality and what is just my OCD trying to be in control.

*Adjust my schedule.  My OCD makes me have a very rigid schedule...what time I get out of bed, what time I eat, how my day is ordered, etc.  So this will be a big challenge for me to try to change that.  I am going to start by sleeping in a little on non-work days (on work days I want to be up/ready when  Justin is so we can have breakfast together/spend time together before he leaves).  Most people will think I'm crazy...having to force myself to sleep in a little (and by sleep in I mean getting up later than 4 am!).  But it will be very tough for me.  I will start with 15 or 20 min. and go from there.  By sleeping in a little I want that also to shift my whole schedule...meaning eating breakfast later as well.  I have not eaten breakfast later than 6:30am in quite a few years.  Again, this will be a huge struggle for me.  But I want to try it.  OCD is largely based on the fear of the unknown.  I "know" what my day will be like if I stick to my schedule, so my anxiety isn't high.  But I don't know what will happen if I change it.  So the anxiety will definitely go up.  But I have to try it.

*Work on healing my gut.  Since I am pregnant I am not going to try any major diet changes.  For now I will continue with what I know works...plenty of probiotics, very limited starch/grains, limited sugar, plenty of fiber.  At some point after the baby is born I would like to try a diet more geared towards true healing, like GAPS or SCD.  Or possibly even just gluten free for a while.  Maybe I'll get into that this summer.  It's much easier to base your meals on lots of produce and no grains in the summer anyway.

*Focus on what matters.  It's easy to let the OCD take over my thoughts and distract me.  I need to stay focused on what really matters - God, my family, my friends.  I need to control the OCD, not let the OCD control me.

Long Term Goals - Life Without OCD :)

*Be able to travel w/o major anxiety
*Be able to eat breakfast w/ my children
*Be able to sleep in once in a while
*Be more spontaneous
*Be able to go camping
*Be able to go out for lunch/have lunch playdates
*Listen to my body, not the clock
*No longer take miralax (or any kind of fiber/laxative)

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So, that's what I have planned for 2011.  Some small goals, some very large ones.  I pray that God will guide me through this year and show me what he has planned :)  I'm sure it's better than anything I can come up with.  For now I'm just taking it one day at a time, focusing on God and learning to accept the unique person He made me.  Blessings to all in the coming year.