Monthly Goals - June 2012

Another month starting out with a bang - June 1 with highs in the low 50's and feeding a little boy up at 6am, resulting in both of us covered in pee :P  And is that Rebecca I hear before 7am too?  Sheesh.  Hopefully things will go up from here.  In all honesty I do hope this is a positive month.  I feel like I keep getting closer and closer to figuring things out, to finding balance, to feeling good.  I didn't get this post written out ahead of time...and I have a helper with me now.  So hopefully I can get my thoughts down clearly.  I'll have to come back and edit if I think of stuff later.

FOOD

1. Balance - I'm realizing that how I eat is just as important (if not more so) as what I eat.  I always focus on my gut/digestion as a big part of my OCD...but then I fail to recognize that my eating habits are really a large part of it too.  I have a very skewed mentality about food.  It's not a concsious thing anymore.  But I still have a starve/binge mentality.  And really that is what causes the problems.  So I need to really work on that.  It's been hard wired in me since I was young - clear your plate, don't waste food, be sure you eat enough, etc.  There is a lot to it.  I won't go into all of the details.  But I will say this.  I need to find balance.  I need to stop the obsessive thoughts and habits related to food.  I need to not worry about eating too much or too little.  I need to not worry about "wasting" food (i.e. I don't have to eat everything my kids leave on their plates!).  I need to stop worrying about eating the "right" or "wrong" food.  I need to stop bingeing on "forbidden" foods.  When I used to eat so restrictively (anorexia) then when I did allow myself to eat some kind of forbidden food I would eat huge amounts (i.e. ice cream, desserts, etc.).  Because who knows when I would allow myself to eat it again.  And I would starve myself in order to eat a huge amount of junk.  I better get all I can now.  Not a good idea.  At least I can tell I've made a lot of of progess over the years, especially this last year.  I used to eat massive amounts of ice cream in one sitting.  People really wondered what was wrong with me I think :P  Last night I had a very small dish of homemade ice cream (in a 1/2 cup pyrex dish).  And half way through I was already feeling full and wish I had served myself even less.  I wasn't wishing I had more.  I was totatlly satisfied.  I too now wonder how on earth I could eat such huge amounts of ice cream (or whatever other junk food I was restricting) at one time without making myself completely sick.  Now the only restrictions I have are foods that truly don't make me feel good (and through GAPS and experimenting I'm learning what those are).  There are no foods that I "can't" have because they are supposedly unhealthy in some way or have some kind of stigma associated with them that I created (thankfully I now know that I can enjoy so many awesome foods that are healthy that I used to think were not).  So I don't have to worry about not being able to eat the foods I enjoy.  I can have ice cream any time I want.  So when I do eat it all I need is a small amount to enjoy  and feel satisfied.  What a concept :P  I know that fat  is healthy now...but I still don't have to go overboard (something I'm guitly of a lot lately...which causes problems...even too much of a good thing can be bad).  I am learning to listen to my body and be more in tune with true appetite/hunger/fullness.  I can enjoy my food and really taste it and savor it without eating massive amounts.  I know what is  healthy.  And I can eat good food in normal amounts...in amounts that work for my body.

This balance with food also includes focusing my attention on things other than food.  I want to focus on how God can use me instead of how God can "fix" me.  I want to focus on others.  Food is a huge part of my life.  I truly do love to cook and bake and be creative in the kitchen.  I love to learn about nourishing, healthy foods.  God has given me this passion.  But I want to use it to serve God and serve others, not to live a life of obsessing.

I don't have any concrete steps laid out about how to accomplish this yet.  But just realizing the problem is the biggest step of all.  I will hopefully make small changes daily to bring about this balance.  And I have to keep reminding myself that I am a healthy, smart woman.  I'm not an anorexic teenager who feels like she can't live/enjoy food/be normal.  I don't live with a mother always worried that I'm not eating enough.  I am free to live, enjoy life and enjoy food.  It does not have control over me.  I am free :)  That feels good.  God is in control.  I have faith He will use this passion for his glory.  If anyone that reads my blog struggles with similar issues I'd love to hear from you.

2. Try new recipes with Rebecca - Rebecca is always coming up with new foods she wants to make.  So this month we are going to try to make more of them :)  Yesterday we made "apple honey crunch" (recipe to follow).  I love how creative she is in the kitchen already.  She is already developing a passion for having fun and being creative with food.  That brings me great joy.

3. Sourdough - I need to find some new sourdough recipes to try.  Maybe Rebecca has some ideas :)

4. Food Resources - I plan to look into cheaper sources for some of my staples (like EVOO, coconut oil, sea salt, sucanat, etc.) that I currently get at the health food store...and are quite expensive.  They will likely be online resources like Tropical Traditions and Amazon.

5. Food preservation - It's that time again.  The farmer's market starts next week.  That means fresh produce and food preservation!  I think strawberries are already going.  Maybe we'll have to go pick some soon.

6. Eat in season - fresh produce means basing meals on what's in season.  I can't wait for all of the yummy summer food.

HEALTH

1. Continue to push myself out of my comfort zone/defeat OCD - friends, outings, playdates.  This will also include family outings.

2. Supplements - I will continue to take probiotics, cod liver oil and vitamins.  I'm still debating about starting Betaine again.

FAMILY/PERSONAL

Rebecca

a. Continue her enouragement chart to help focus on the positive/good things she does.
b. Eating - teach Rebecca to eat until she's full and not have to clear her plate.
c. chart - staying dry at night - start trying underwear at night.
d. Mommy-daughter date - mini golf, zoo, build-a-bear, out for dinner?
e. dance class and swimming lessons

Abram

a. Work on development/milestones - talking.
b. Organize drawers/figure out our summer clothes situation.

Me
a. Writing - Continue writing for  GRNL and RFAH magazin.  Seek other opportunities to write?

b. Sewing/hobbies - I want to keep working on the matching dresses for Rebecca and her doll.

c. Marriage - I want to make my husband and my marriage more of a priority.

This post is linked to Fresh Bites Friday and Fight Back Friday.