Totally Alone

Have you ever felt totally alone?  I mean completely.  Like the world was silent?  3 weeks ago tomorrow I found out that I was not pregnant.  We had been so hopeful...things were progressing.  And then it ended.  I was in shock.  I was so upset.  I was confused.  I was angry.  How could God let it happen?  That day I was just really upset.  But the next morning was when I experienced something I don't ever want to feel again.  I felt alone.  Completely alone.  I stood in my kitchen and it felt like everything around me had disappeared.  Everything was silent.  There was nobody there but me (even though my family was upstairs sleeping).  Nobody to lean on.  Nobody to turn to.  Nobody to cry to for help.  What I mean is...it felt like God was gone.  I have never felt that kind of loneliness in my life.  Although I could tell myself God was right there with me, I couldn't feel his presence.  And it was scary.  So very scary.  It felt like I couldn't even pray.  Because nobody would be there to listen.  I almost felt panicked.  As the day went on I gradually felt more and more aware of God's love and his arms around me.  He was there.  I knew he was.  But I've never felt like he wasn't before until that moment.  And I hope I never feel that way again.  Since then I have thought about it often.  And it made me think...there are people that feel that way every minute of every day of their lives.  They don't know God.  They don't feel him nearby, guiding them.  They don't feel like no matter what happens in this world that there is always someone to turn to that will not leave them.  And my heart hurts for them.  I would live my life in total fear if I did not know God, if I couldn't offer up a quick prayer any moment of my day and know that God was in control, if I felt like I had to do it all on my own.  I don't want anyone to have to live that way.  It's so scary.  Just feeling it for a few hours was enough for me.  I pray that whoever is reading this does not feel that loneliness.  And if you do, I am praying for you.  God loves you. You never have to be alone.