The first part is the same. And it's good for me to review what I wrote. I think I've got a lot to work on :P
GOALS
*Take more time to listen to God - watch less tv, spend more time in the Word and in prayer.
*Not compare/worry about what other people think - remind myself every day that God made me unique and loves me just the way I am. We all have strengths and weaknesses. My mistakes do not dictate my self worth.
*Teach Rebecca to be confident in who she is - let her make mistakes, let her be more independent.
*Be more encouraging - take time every day to encourage at least one person.
*Be more patient, especially with my husband and children - think before I speak and know when to step away from a situation to refocus and calm down.
*Give up control - this is a big one...see more below about OCD.
*Be more creative/use my God-given gifts - challenge myself to learn more about cake decorating and sewing. Long term - make a go of my business - but not until my kids are older/in school.
*Be a better wife and mother.
*Live life to the fullest - make more friends/let people into my life - not let ocd control me.
*Organize the house/declutter/simplify - I need to get rid of some toys that we don't use and organize Rebecca's room (where most of the toys end up).
*Work on my posture.
REBECCA
Here are a couple large items on the list for Rebecca:
*potty training - nap time and night time when she seems ready.
*continue with
*Reward chart - make a chart of her daily activities and "chores." Then let her mark things off as she completes tasks or does things nicely. Come up with "rewards" for doing well (stickers, art supplies, small treats, etc.)
*Continue to work on letters, numbers, etc. We have several pre-k workbooks that she is really enjoying. I will try to work on those at least once a week with her. I have already seen a huge improvement in her hand coordination/control and writing/coloring recently and want to continue to help her progress.
*Let Rebecca make choices daily. Give her options about the things she eats, wears, etc. so she learns to make decisions.
ABRAM
*Work on developmental milestones.
*Continue baby wearing and on-demand feeding.
*New approach to solid foods when he is old enough...NO baby cereal for him :P Stick to nourishing, real, homemade food.
FOOD
*raw milk - hopefully do a winter share again.
*cookbooks - I very rarely actually use any of my cookbooks. I'd like to get back into the habit of using them and trying new recipes.
*water - find a water filter that removes fluoride?
*nourishment - make sure I am properly nourishing my body for healing and breastfeeding.
*Continue eating full GAPS at the moment and do intro later this year. Here's a rough timeline of what I'm thinking:
July - full GAPS, make ferments
August - full GAPS, make ferments
September - full GAPS or go back a stage or two. Do prep work. We'll be getting our fresh chickens then. So I'll be making lots of broth and roasted chicken to have on hand in the freezer. I'll also do some beef broth with our grassfed beef.
October/November - start intro somewhere in here and work my way back to full GAPS...however long that takes. I'm hoping I'll be able to go through the stages quickly so that I'll be able to eat decently by Christmas (maybe back to full GAPS by then if I start intro in October?).
BLOG
*more reflective posts
*continue my healthy living series - focus on topics related to health/nutrition, gut healing, parenting/motherhood
*be more open about my OCD
*view it as a resource for others, not just an outlet for myself
FINANCES
*budget - keep tracking spending
*be on same page with Justin/take more interest in our finances
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CONTROL - I'll repost what I had written in January. I've obviously come a long way since then (I guess that means I'm achieving my goals :). And I'll update below.
This is my big one for 2011. And something that is very scary. I have struggled with OCD for many years. That's no secret. And in 2009 I started getting treatment for it. But it had to be put on hold during IVF and while pregnant. Although I have made some progress (I am no longer scared to leave my house and no longer have panic attacks), it still impacts every day of my life way more than I would like. And it is a heavy burden that I carry around. I really want this to be the year that I conquer it. I will have to take baby steps since I am pregnant. I can't undergo major exposure therapy right now...that would be too stressful on my body. But I have decided to at least try taking small steps now. In addition to these steps, I want to be a little more open about my OCD. I still don't know if I will ever be able to talk in full detail about it with anyone besides my husband and my doctor. But I think that if I am a little more open and write out some goals on my blog I'll be a little more accountable. And will be more likely to follow through. I am going to write down some small steps that will help me. They may seem ridiculous to some people. But for me they are big. And it's scary to talk about it. I am also going to write down some long term goals. I think this will also help me stay motivated. Again, these long term goals may sound like such simple things to most people. But for me they are very far from it. Right now my OCD limits a lot of the things my family and I can do. And I hate that. I want to live life. And I want my family to be able to live life. It prevents me from developing deeper friendships and really letting people into my life. I have been lonely for way too long now because of my OCD. And I want it to stop.
I also know that a new baby will really make my anxiety and OCD flair since I will no longer be able to be on "my schedule." A newborn, nursing baby does not care what the clock says :P So I am hoping to do some work before the baby arrives to reduce that a bit (it was pretty bad when my daughter was born, and I don't want to repeat it). And to be totally available for my husband, my daughter and the baby.
A lot of my OCD stems from my digestive issues. So that will be another big factor in this process. The holidays with stress and lots of not so healthy goodies have reminded me of how important it is for me to eat well and take care of myself. And how awful I can feel when I don't. So in 2011 I want to really refocus and work hard to heal my gut. If I can do that the OCD will automatically be less severe. I really struggle with figuring out what is a true physical problem with my gut and what is just my OCD. So if I can eliminate the physical problems hopefully the OCD part won't be so bad. I know that pregnancy makes this part way more difficult. So I have to keep that in mind and hope that after I have the baby there will be a big improvement.
This will take a lot of work. And I know it will be very difficult. But I pray that God will guide me through it. I will continue to seek help from my psychologist and covet prayers from any of my readers. As I work through some of my baby steps I will add more. But this is my starting point. So, here goes.
Baby Steps to Defeating OCD:
*EFT - This is a tapping technique used to help reduce anxiety. I was doing it for a while but then stopped. I do think it helps, so I would like to get back into it. Try to make time at least a couple times a week to do it. It only takes a minute, I just have to remember :P
*Get back into the habit of journaling. This really helps me to process all of the stuff going on in my head. It is a great tool for reducing anxiety and to not feel overwhelmed.
*Rational thoughts. OCD is based around irrational thoughts. They may sound crazy to others, but to the person with OCD they seem perfectly logical. I have found it very helpful in the past to write down my rational and irrational thoughts and read them every day. This helps reinforce what is reality and what is just my OCD trying to be in control.
*Adjust my schedule. My OCD makes me have a very rigid schedule...what time I get out of bed, what time I eat, how my day is ordered, etc. So this will be a big challenge for me to try to change that. I am going to start by sleeping in a little on non-work days (on work days I want to be up/ready when Justin is so we can have breakfast together/spend time together before he leaves). Most people will think I'm crazy...having to force myself to sleep in a little (and by sleep in I mean getting up later than 4 am!). But it will be very tough for me. I will start with 15 or 20 min. and go from there. By sleeping in a little I want that also to shift my whole schedule...meaning eating breakfast later as well. I have not eaten breakfast later than 6:30am in quite a few years. Again, this will be a huge struggle for me. But I want to try it. OCD is largely based on the fear of the unknown. I "know" what my day will be like if I stick to my schedule, so my anxiety isn't high. But I don't know what will happen if I change it. So the anxiety will definitely go up. But I have to try it.
*Work on healing my gut. Since I am pregnant I am not going to try any major diet changes. For now I will continue with what I know works...plenty of probiotics, very limited starch/grains, limited sugar, plenty of fiber. At some point after the baby is born I would like to try a diet more geared towards true healing, like GAPS or SCD. Or possibly even just gluten free for a while. Maybe I'll get into that this summer. It's much easier to base your meals on lots of produce and no grains in the summer anyway.
*Focus on what matters. It's easy to let the OCD take over my thoughts and distract me. I need to stay focused on what really matters - God, my family, my friends. I need to control the OCD, not let the OCD control me.
So, here's where I'm at/where I'm going:
*Gut healing - I have started GAPS, still doing full GAPS. I would like to work my way to intro/the full process.
*Gut healing - I currently take a probiotic, 3 capsules of Betaine HCI and CLO/butter oil daily. I will continue this for now.
*EFT - I no longer do EFT. No time and it didn't do much.
*Journaling - I don't regularly do journaling. My blog is my journal :)
*Rational thoughts - I no longer write this down. I can do it in my head. If my anxiety goes up I stop, think about what is causing the anxiety and what the reality of the situation is. I think logically instead of irrationally. Usually it just takes a few seconds for me to stop the anxiety from escalating and to remind myself that I don't have to worry and that my current state is not permanent. It will change/get better. It always does. It may not happen when I want it to, but it will. I just have to be patient and not worry. And then I can move on.
*Routines - My schedule is dictated by my kids. I still am up fairly early every day, but not at 4 am anymore. And each day is a little different depending on when Abram gets up. It's something I still have to work on, but I am definitely making great progress.
Long Term Goals - Life Without OCD :)
*Be able to travel w/o major anxiety - we're taking a couple vacations in August. And so far I'm not too worried about them. I'll have to update later with how it went.
*Be able to eat breakfast w/ my children
*Be able to sleep in once in a while - maybe I'll have to work on this when I don't have an infant :P
*Be more spontaneous
*Be able to go camping - I'm hoping to do this next summer (when Abram is a little older).
*Be able to go out for lunch/have lunch playdates - I may try to do a lunch park playdate by the end of the summer with MOPS.
*Listen to my body, not the clock
*No longer take miralax - This will hopefully happen when I do GAPS intro.
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So, that's what I have planned for 2011. Some small goals, some very large ones. I pray that God will guide me through this year and show me what he has planned :) I'm sure it's better than anything I can come up with. For now I'm just taking it one day at a time, focusing on God and learning to accept the unique person He made me.
God has already been doing such great things in my life the first half of the year. I can only imagine (well, no I can't actually :P) what he has planned for the 2nd half. It'll be interesting to update at the end of the year.
Praise God for all the progress you've made, Mary. His unfailing love for you knows no limits! We all rely on His grace and goodness.
ReplyDeleteLove, Mom